Unfortunately the test of my ankle yesterday afternoon DID NOT go well, so it appears I’m looking at more time off. How much more remains to be seen, but after 5 days with no running, it felt as bad yesterday as it did before taking that break, so that doesn’t bode well. That said, my ability to race well this fall is in serious jeopardy and my chances of doing anything significant getting slimmer by the day.
What's somewhat interesting to me at this point is the fact I can honestly say I don’t really care. I do, but not nearly to the extent I would have in the past. I’ve been giving it some thought lately, and not just while I’ve been on the shelf with my ankle but also prior to that, and as I wrote in my post yesterday, I’ve come to a point where I either want to be able to run my own standard of what I consider to be fast or not compete at all. I’ve always tried to be up front in this blog, both with the good and the bad, and to be honest, I really haven’t enjoyed the racing I’ve done over the past couple years and I’m not interested in continuing on as I have been. I still enjoy running and training hard and will continue to do that, but I’ll step away from the competitive side of the sport unless I’m able to do better than what I’ve been doing.
My goals remain unchanged. I still want to try to run faster in my 40’s than I did in my 30’s, and I still hope to be a competitive Masters runner, even competing in some of the USATF Championship events. However, I’ve just reached a point where I don’t want to run a bunch of mediocre races (by my personal standard for myself) while trying to achieve those goals. I’d rather just train until I have an indication via workouts that I can race well and then go toe the line. If that indication never comes, then neither do the races.
I definitely don’t want anyone to think I don’t appreciate what I've done and/or what I’m still able to do. I understand that the race times I’ve run over the past couple years are above average for my age and also age grade out to pretty fast period. I’m not convinced that age-grading is all that accurate, but the 16:29 5k I ran back in June translates out to 15:42 according to the calculator you can find on the Running Times web site, and the 22:06 four-miler I ran a month ago converts to 21:02. When you factor in losing all of 2010 to twice breaking my foot and being told at that time that I might never be able to run again, I’m not the least bit bitter about possibly not being able to accomplish the goals I've set for myself as a Masters runner. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. I’m thankful and know I’ve been blessed to be able to compete at the level I have for as long as I have. I’m also humble enough to know that my accomplishments pale in comparison to what a lot of my peers have done. In fact, I’d like to think that I’ve got it all in pretty good perspective, although I know I’ve probably put more emphasis on running and racing over the years than was warranted for someone no better than I've ever been.
Anyway, I’ve just come to a point where I want to enjoy running, and as I stated previously, racing has not been an enjoyable part of my running recently (actually for quite a while now if I’m perfectly honest). I don’t like going to races knowing I’m going to hurt like crazy only to cross the line and be disappointed with my time, and it actually gets kind of silly after a while to continue doing something you’re not enjoying. I understand that races don't always have to be about just running fast, but I still get as nervous as I ever have before a race and might even put more pressure on myself than I did back when I was much, much faster, and it’s hard to justify that for the level I’ve been running at. I don’t expect to be as fast as I once was, but I’ve got targets in my mind that if I don’t feel I can approach then I’m not going to compete. I’ve been one to use races as workouts in the past, but the aforementioned nervousness and pressure has never made that fun, so I’d rather move away from that as well.
Maybe I’ll change my mind on this as time goes on, but I’ve given it a lot of thought, and that’s the way I feel right now, so we’ll see. In the meantime, I’m going to wait for this ankle thing to resolve itself then get back to training, which I do still enjoy, and see where it leads. If that’s the starting line of a big race where I’m fit and ready to roll, then that’s great. However, if it’s not, then I’ve finally about made peace with that fact and I know there are many other ways for me to stay involved and be a positive influence in the sport I love. Happy running, all!
1 comment:
Looking at the miles you were laying down It sounds like you were beginning to hear the call of the marathon? You know I’m biased, but my opinion is for 5K, 10, and even halves we can achieve 90% of the outcome on much reduced miles. The absolute master in this is Bernard Lagat. Reducing his miles has lengthened his career, reduced his injuries, and allows him more time with his family. But, the marathon….that’s a different beast and does require those miles.
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